June 5, 2025
One thing she would bring up a lot was that there was a time I ghosted her for a little while and then came back. When I try to remember this, I can't remember what was happening or any details of it, which feels terrible of me. I just hate how neglectful I was and how I am able to forget things so important to other people. It concerns me. I am still on the waiting list for the neuropsychologist. The waitlist is like a full year at this point.
I really like this girl. I am scared of the emotions I feel towards her and am scared of getting hurt again, but this time I am more aware of these emotions and understand the importance of letting them be felt and not trying to fight them as I did previously. I need to begin seeing my emotions, and instead of deciding whether or not I'm okay with feeling them, I need to explore what they are and why they are there in the first place.
I was able to catch up with friends I haven't seen in years today. We went on a hike with my buddy and his daughter, along with his girlfriend, who also happened to be an older friend of mine, and the friend I originally met for lunch with, who graduated a year before. It was nice. I felt loved and missed being able to be surrounded by good people like that. Most of the friends I made who were actually good in high school were older, so they've had a little longer to try and figure things out. I am so grateful to have gotten to see all of them today and realize there are good people in my life, and I just need to remember who they are and make sure to maintain a connection with them.
I am beginning to feel much better than I had been in many ways. I have learned so, so much, and I am happy for that. I feel the oxycodone hitting, so I will write for just a bit longer before giving in. I love seeing the love people share with each other all around me. I missed nature and hikes. Maybe I will go tomorrow. I have a lot to do.