June 1, 2025
I shaved this morning, and I'm already scruffy, and it pokes my arm when to lie on it.
I know I am going to wake up, but I wish I could be out a bit longer to have some well-needed silence in my head.
I’d rather be annoyed than be annoying. I am constantly sick with dread, but the world is still often beautiful, so I guess I am okay.
I am enjoying being a bit high off the OxyContin. This concerns me. But it makes sense.
I am very lethargic and slept most of the day, waking up every couple of hours to take medication. I keep going back to bed. I have lots I need to get done and lots I haven’t started. My whole body feels weak, probably from not moving much. My eyelids weigh much more than what my eyes are able to hold open.
I don’t dream often. But my most recent couple hour name was with her. Things were nice, we were just talking. Her smile was nice. We embraced. I must have cried a little bit because when I woke up, there was a tiny, damp spot on my pillow where my eyes touched the fabric.
I hate feeling so scrawny and weak. I can’t work out for another week and a half since it will mess up my mouth if I breathe too hard or do any strenuous activities. Basically, I can’t find a reason to stay awake, and it is very hard to. I wish I were able to keep knocking off things on my to-do list. It isn’t getting smaller. I was looking forward to having downtime in hopes I would be able to get things done that don’t require physical labor, but I keep struggling with just keeping my eyes open.