May 21, 2025
I want to show her so many things here. I think it would be fun to take her magnet fishing, even if it ended up just being me doing the work and trying to find her little treasures. I don’t think anyone really understands how much I care about this person. I just want the best for her, though, and now I need to remind myself I have no part in that.
Her contact still pops up every time I go to share something like a link or whatever. I don’t get why since I haven’t contacted her in a very, very long time. I guess my phone just remembers it’s a common contact. Update: I just checked my phone app, I still have her number for calling and her contact for messaging favorited, I bet that is why. I never favorited contacts, I only have my mom, dad, brother, and grandpa favorited other than her. I didn’t think to unfavorite the contact until now because I forgot I had done it when we first met. I had her favorited so her calls would go through, no matter if I had sleep mode on or anything like that, just in case she ever needed me. I just tried sharing something again, and she still popped up. I guess it’s just my phone's memory now.
I am so upset with myself. I don’t know how to move past the anger I have towards myself. I am so upset.
I just drove past a gorgeous, fully intact sandhill crane. I don’t have any bird skeletons, sandhills are big, it’d be cool to collect, but my dad made the one rule of driving his car is, “no dead animals”. I bet she would think the skull was neat, too.
I have no right to be upset. I need to stop being so sensitive and quit being a wimp. It was a long, rainy, grim day, yet still too short to feel I did anything worthwhile. I’ve been trying to reach out to friends, but they don’t talk to me really. Everyone’s busy and doesn’t have time to talk or make time to see each other, unfortunately.
Recently, my dad has been a lot more irritable than normal. I hope he is okay. When he gets upset, he often shuts down and is passive-aggressive. I worry I may be a lot like my father when I am irritable. This will be a short entry. I have been catching up on my last assignment for school, and I am still late with it, even though I got an extension. I hope my professor doesn’t fail me.